Día Internacional del Traductor /// International Translation Day

Hoy 30 de Septiembre se festeja el Día Internacional del Traductor por ser el día de San Jerónimo, que se lo considera el patrono de los traductores.

Jerónimo de Estridón fue un estudioso de la Biblia y fue el primero que la tradujo del hebreo y el griego al latín, conocida como Vulgata que permitió una disponibilidad de la Palabra de Dios al pueblo. Comenzó su traducción en el 382 y la terminó 23 años después en el 405.

Además de ser el patrono de los traductores, también lo es de los bibliotecarios, arqueólogos y archiveros. Se lo venera tanto en la Iglesia Católica, como en la Iglesia Ortodoxa y anglicana.
La FIT-IFT (Fédération Internationale des Traducteurs / International Federation of Translators – Federación Internacional de Traductores) fue fundada en 1953 en París, representa a organizaciones de traductores en más de 60 países, tiene más de cien mil miembros asociados y es una ONG reconocida por la UNESCO, comenzó a celebrar este día. Recién a partir de 1991 obtuvo el reconocimiento mundial como Día Internacional del Traductor, como una forma de promover el orgullo de ejercer una profesión que se está transformando en esencial en esta era globalizada y conectada.

Este año 2011, en coincidencia con los 20 años del reconocimiento internacional, el Dr. Jiri Stejskall, Fundador y Director Ejecutivo de CETRA, Expresidente de la ATA (American Translator Association – Asociación de Traductores Estadounidenses) y Vicepresidente de la FIT-IFT, redactó el siguiente texto, que me atrevo a traducir:

 

Translation: Bridging Cultures

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La Traducción: Vinculando Culturas

Imagine a world without translators: How would we communicate with each other? With nearly 7,000 languages spoken around the globe, trade and cultural exchange would be impossible. Leaders of nations could not talk to each other. Scientific discoveries could not be shared. Books could be read only by those who speak the author's language. Cross-border traffic would come to a halt. Breaking news would reach only a select few. The Olympic Games could not be held. Nations in distress would not receive assistance from more fortunate ones.

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Imagina un mundo sin traductores: ¿Cómo nos comunicaríamos entre nosotros? Con casi 7.000 idiomas hablados alrededor del globo, el intercambio cultural y económico sería imposible. Los líderes de las naciones no podrían hablarse entre si. Los descubrimientos científicos no podrían compartirse. Los libros solo los podrían leer quienes hablaran el idioma del autor. Se pararía el tráfico entre fronteras. Las noticias de último momento solo alcanzarían a unos pocos elegidos. No se realizarían los Juegos Olímpicos. Las naciones necesitadas no recibirían asistencia de otros más afortunados.

The professional translators, interpreters and terminologists represented by FIT member associations build bridges between cultures and facilitate communication that creates prosperity and cultural enrichment. They are brokers of peace and mutual understanding. They open national literatures to the world. They make international assistance in disaster areas possible. They are the voice of politicians, religious and intellectual leaders, and all other people who influence our daily lives. They are gatekeepers of information. They are cultural ambassadors. They are absolutely indispensable.

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Los traductores profesionales, intérpretes y terminólogos representados por las asociaciones miembros de la FIT construyen puentes entre las culturas y facilitan la comunicación que crea prosperidad y enriquecimiento cultural. Son agentes de paz y entendimiento mutuo. Abren las literaturas nacionales al mundo. Posibilitan la asistencia internacional en áreas de desastre. Son la voz de los políticos, religiosos y líderes intelectuales, y todas las otras personas que influyen en nuestras vidas diarias. Son los guardianes de la información. Son embajadores culturales. Son absolutamente indispensables.

Thanks to translators, interpreters and terminologists, peoples around the world can preserve their cultural heritage while being active participants in the "global village". Cultural diversity makes our world a better place, but we have to understand each other in order to avoid international conflicts and to help each other in times of need. We have to understand each other to appreciate our cultural differences. Bridging Cultures is the theme of both this year's XIX FIT World Congress and International Translation Day 2011, and the ultimate objective of all FIT member associations.

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Gracias a los traductores, intérpretes y terminólogos, la gente alrededor del mundo puede preservar su legado cultural mientras son participantes activos en la “aldea global”. La diversidad cultural hace que nuestro mundo sea un lugar mejor, pero tenemos que entendernos para evitar conflictos internacionales y ayudarnos en tiempos de necesidad. Tenemos que entendernos para apreciar nuestras diferencias culturales. Vincular culturas es el lema tanto del XIX Congreso Mundial de la FIA como del Día Internacional de la Traducción 2011, y el objetivo primordial de todos los miembros asociados a la FIT.

Member associations are encouraged to mark ITD through activities that raise awareness among the public of this important function of translators, interpreters and terminologists as well as giving practitioners the opportunity to celebrate their craft. This might be by highlighting the different cultures represented within the association, presentations on the challenges of cultural adaptation when translating, or considering the role of translators, interpreters and terminologists in world events, as just a few examples. However you do it, make 30 September a day of celebration!

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Se fomenta que las instituciones miembros marquen el DIT con actividades que eleven la conciencia entre el público de esta importante función de traductores, intérpretes y terminólogos como también se les pide a los profesionales la oportunidad de celebrar su oficio. Destacando las diferentes culturas representadas dentro de la asociación, con presentaciones de los desafíos de la adaptación cultural cuando se traduce, o al considerar el rol de los traductores, intérpretes y terminólogos en eventos mundiales, solo como pocos ejemplos. De la forma en que lo hagas, ¡has de este 30 de septiembre un día de celebración!

¡¡Feliz día a todos mis próximos colegas!!

“Los traductores están bendecidos con el arte de transmitir ideas y sentimiento, pero sobre todo, están bendecidos con la posibilidad de ayudar a la gente a comunicarse todos los días.”

The job of looking for a job...

Sunday was May Day, International Workers Day. Date originally chosen by the Socialist Labor Congress of the Second International at Paris in 1889, as homage and re-vindication of the Martyrs of Chicago... although the very same US doesn't adhere to that celebration and have their Labor Day on the first Monday of September.

There's been more than a year since I'm without a fixed and stable job, the kind of job that appear in national statistics. That is, it's been a year that I'm surviving with temporal tasks, but as they can get me busy more than 1 hour a week, according to the 2010 Census I don't belong to the unemployed percentage...
I get tired to lose my time in job interviews, made by recruiters that doesn't know the value of a word and only learnt to repeat without replication the norm: "We call you back to let you know if you get the position because we know how important it is." A lie biggest than a lunar crater.

The job of looking for a job is much more exhausting that having a job. I get tired to beg for underpaid opportunities, with eternal schedule availability and far away of what interests me or I like.
I get tired to studding from memory always the same prose that is the only one that recruiters are trained to hear and it opens magically the employment door. I get tired to automatize my spontaneity to reply what they need and not what I want.
The job of looking for a job is worse that passing by the interrogatory of your boyfriend's mother. The scrutiny of the Resume details is more fake than a count of votes in an official election. And then is pitiful that in many cases there's no other choice left than leave out or exaggerate things to be able to get a minimum chance to access the interview... with the recruiter that will ask inconsistencies without logic only to "break the ice" before the psychological test (because you have to say it in English that seems more literate than saying examen) or be compelled to draw a person under the rain using an umbrella.

I have heard such absurd replies like: you're over prepared to this position. What? Would be that they are looking for more ignorant or manageable people? Other typical answer is: You did well the questionnaire - that can take 2 hours and a half - but you don't fit the profile. Once I come up with the idea of asking the recruiter that seemed just graduated from high school, what's the profile you're looking for? And the reply gave me a lesson: Never challenge a recruiter intelligence, nor try to express any originality because as Ernesto Sábato said: "To be original is in a certain way reveal the others trashiness"...

The job of looking for a job doesn't know any holidays, days off nor weekends. Doesn't have any fixed schedule, nor permanent office. It demands hours availability for possible interviews from Monday at 9 AM, to Thursdays at 20:30 PM. Nobody cares if one has previous appointments or if you study on that hours. It urges transport availability of some 50km roundabout from San Isidro to Adrogué or from Quilmes to Ramos Mejía. Nobody cares if one doesn't have mobility or has to spend some cost to travel.

From my last stable job more than a year ago, I got other important lesson: never be more honest than your own boss... I have been betrayed, lied and harassed. I get tired to listen to "job offers" in exchange of doing personal favors, resolve private problems or hide the skeletons in the cupboard.
In this job of looking for a job most of the time I feel unwell to be very honest, intelligent or look for my personal progress without the minimal intention to stomping nobody head, it seemed like I'm an extraterrestrial for deciding to behave with decency, loyalty or transparency.
I think it's much to difficult for someone to make any valuable progress without the intention to be a better person within values that include the progress of all others. In other words, for me we all progress together or nobody progress at all. I also think that is always a way of progress to increase my knowledge and skills, for me life is like a learning classroom where all the experiences are like lessons that are useful to get better and, therefore, progress.

I'm not convinced that the most important thing in a job is to get prosperity, for me money is only enjoyable when it comes as a reward to the effort or talent, but not the main and only objective when looking for a job. There are other wages that can't keep in the wallet, as for example; time. There's no amount of money, there's no salary that can buy me a couple of hours.
Currently, as I can't get a stable job, my priority is to continue studding at the university the career of Portuguese Translation. So my job searching reduces considerably if I look for a part-time job. Although I explain and over-explain to the automate recruiters that I don't care if the salary is lesser, it seems that I talk in Sanskrit or some dead language. Is it so hard to understand that can't get back lost time by paying, while we all know that money comes and goes??

I like to write, I hope that whom keep on reading until this point have already perceived, and I would be highly interesting in a stable job where I could take advantage of this ability (or as current fashion says: skill), I have higher education studies in copywriting and now I'm complementing them with knowledge of grammar and spelling in Spanish, besides being bilingual in Portuguese and have senior level of English.

I don't care to collect riches, nor the worthless and temporal prosperity because I don't want only money, nor fill my pockets with things that won't offer me consolation when being betrayed or needed to defend my dignity.
I want to be cherished for my work and that my work be respected, I want to set a difference for the others and not to make an economical difference for me, I want to share the talents that God gave me and not take any advantage of them.
I want my job to ennoble my life and appraise the ones that lives around me.
I'm special and I'm not afraid to be myself, and set any difference with the rest... hopefully soon will appear someone brave that share my common progress, justice and dignity ideas to offer me a decent and permanent job, I'm available to work. Thanks!
Meanwhile, I'll keep on looking.

And keep on dreaming until your dreams come true

Happily it seems that my creative inspiration has returned hand in hand with my last night dreams.

As a good dreamer and in searching state, born and reflourishment, I keep having these beautiful positive dreams.

This time I dreamt that I was over a tree and between its green leaves I could see the tree trunk with little square woods across perpendicularly like steps to climb up.
In the grass, leaned against the tree there was a beautiful baby with his complete layette laughing joyfully.
And when I thought I was on the tree-cop watching all this, I turned out that actually I was leaning out of a window from heaven above.

So, dream with a tree is something positive in the material ground, it's a symbol of protection, if it is leafy like in my dream it's a signal of satisfactions, health and joy around me. Also, it can represent the protection of a friend and the more stronger and robust the more it will protect.
Dream with a tree in a season like summer or spring announce new hopes, growth, wishes, strength, stability, love and friendship. It represents the person that is focused on her/his own development. When it's abundant with green leaves, it announces profits. And if we're climbed up of a tree it's omen that we'll get the goals of our career and we'll reach a high place in society, having honors and fortune.

The height is another positive factor, the higher the height the greater the success reaching the goals or objectives.

The little square woods also are an images of bonanza, wealth and satisfactions. It symbols the input material, the spirituality and the vital energy. Presage prosperity and calmness. Indicates the need to start again, to re-start all over, to rebuild and reorganize my life.

A width and thick tree trunk as the one I dreamt means that I'm a strong, robust and lasting person.
And it's also a phallic symbol... Good grief!
A trunk also represents old memories, ideals, hopes and emotions, the roots we have and that help us grow, and means an inner sensation of well-being and strong personality.

A baby in a dream is like activate creativity, it means that soon will start a new business or that my abilities will get recognition.
Baby's innocence represents nice beginnings full of warmth, and also are a reflection that in my interior I still keep something pure and 100% incorruptible.
Besides it's a sign of home happiness.

The layette also predicts happiness.

If the window is open it represents the new hopes and the brilliant possibilities that will show up to me in the future. If it's square and big like the one of my dream it means a projection on material grounds at long-term and if the things we saw through it are pleasant it means that those hopes and possibilities will turn into reality in the near future.

This bubbling joy don't hold back, this sincere hope don't disappear and this firm march don't stop.
Everything is possible, only have to be courageous and tenacious.

Dream, dream, dream... never stop dreaming!

There Are Moments

There are moments in life that we feel so much
Missing someone that what we most want
Is to take that person out of our dreams
And hold him/her.

Dream with all you want,
Be what you want to be,
Because you only have one life
And only have one chance
To do that thing you want.

Use all the happiness to make it sweet.
Difficulties to make it strong.
Sadness to make it human,
And hope enough to make it happy.

Happier people
Don't have the better stuffs.
They know how to take advantage of the best
Of the opportunities that appear
In their paths.

Happiness appears to those who cry.
To those who get hurt.
To those that search and always try.
To those that reckon
The value of the people that pass through their lives.

The most brilliant future
It is based on an acutely lived past.
You will only get success in life
When you forgive the mistakes
And the deceptions of the past.

Life is short, but the emotions we can leave behind
Last for all eternity.
Life is no game
Because a nice day you die.

Clarice Lispector


I dreamed with a labyrinth... One of the objects more full of esoteric, spiritual and mythological symbology.
My labyrinth was like those of the Monarchist England of the Middle Ages, of not much tall bushed as to see the twisted way of the other side, but enough to not get jump and avoid any trap.

According to the several dream's interpretation a labyrinth means confusion, disorientation, mess, conflicts, complications, difficulties... created frequently by loves/lovers. I'm trying the forget a forbidden lover, without forgetting the love we consummate and keeping the patience to wait for him until the love stop being impossible.

According to the dream's interpretation a plants, trees or live labyrinth means the meeting of happiness when it wasn't expected, predict unexpected joys and the surprise of prosperity in difficult times when one is desperate.

At the end of my dream I found the labyrinth exit following the origin of the music "All you need is love," by my adored Beatles.
Come upon the exit = find a solution or reply.
Music is always a good omen, presage of happiness and consideration. Harmonic music is presage of prosperity and pleasure and expressing positive emotions...
Also if it is showed to people with spiritual ambitions it's indication of mercy and elevation. This search of sacrifice for love is painful, but it will have its reward.

It already started letting me improvise this post after 4 months of silent drought...

God's errors... ??

Does God make mistakes?
I think that's one of the questions that humanity has asked since the beginning of times and not matter the philosophic trends that are represented or the religions believed, nobody has answered yet.
Usually this question appear before us when a beloved dies, or when something that does good to us ends... A saying that is used to console ourselves in these moments is that "The Lord works in mysterious ways" and we have to trust in a divine plan.

Equally all the fellowman are mortals. We know that we were born and in some time our life will end, the only thing we don't know is when. This, in a rational way, can help us give us comfort; for the Catholic believers there's Ethernal Life and for the believers of other religions there will be incarnation or different spirituals events. Would those be the mysterious ways of the Lord's work?
When something that does good to us ends it's more difficult to find such rational console. We want the things that we like and more when they make good to us, to last forever. But we can't control all and not all depends of our will exclusively, people that surround us also exert their will for good or worse of our wishes.
But I think that there's something that nobody can control and it's time... or moments.
As I said before we know we're going to die, but we don't know when. We don't have the power to control when we will die (except in the suicide cases), as neither we can choose when we want our beloved to do it. If it could be possible we all would wish out relatives to live forever by our side.
Logically it's very different the situation about the events that do well to us. In some cases the things happen to us because we seek them to happen because we do the more we can for them to happen. But not always they happen in the moment we wait for them... they can happen before or after depending not only of our will, but also of the actions of other people.

And what about the unexpected facts? What's on when something that surprises and make us wonder happen to us and also does well to us although we didn't look for it?
Does God make mistakes when unexpected facts happen? It could happen that these surprises make us change our plans, interrupt some search, complicate the events or delay the arrive of that thing that does well to us. Or even could happen that the surprise fact leads to finish that other thing we looked for and made us so well.
Something like that happened to me in this time. And that's why I wonder if God makes mistakes?
I achieved what seemed unreachable, I arrived to where I thought it was impossible, I fulfilled what I have dreamed since a child. I managed to accomplished those dreams that are growing all along with us and that the more time it happens the more important they are. And at the same time this huge dream allowed me to fulfil other couple of smaller dreams that I think they would have been very difficult otherwise... but something unexpected happened.
Appeared before me a person very, very special in my life that I know because I have achieved my dream. What a paradox! If I hadn't fulfilled my dream I couldn't have known this person, but at the same time having known this person destroyed my dream in thousand of little pieces.
As I said human beings can't control the moments. I guess that had I known this person before fulfilled my dream, maybe I hadn't accomplished it never. Or if I had known him a lot later of keeping my dream for a long time it wouldn't hurt so much in my soul that my dream ended so soon.

Would be that God makes mistakes? Would be that Him can't control either the moments where certain situations happen?
I asked myself and can't find an answer. I find that God gave me the possibility to fulfill what I wanted so much, but for a very little short time. The dream I pursue for more than 20 years, I was only able to experience it for only two years.
I wonder and I can't find an answer. This person appears in my life much too early at the beginning of my realization and I appear in his life much too late because he already has a family... and these feelings we share appear in my life for the first time with such deepness and in his life reflourish after many years in the oblivion.
And it happens that my impulsive heart is shattered for the premature ending of my dream and hurt because the motive of that end is this person so special; and at the same time my feelings for him have grown in an exponential way. A truthful knot that my reason can't understand, but my being can't avoid.
Would be that God make mistakes? What do you think?

Cheap Psychology and Accomplished Dreams

The other day I read the advertising of a new self-help book published that talked about the behaviour of people that accomplished their dreams. And searching the Internet I'm amazed that there are almost 3 million pages with advice, rules, steps to follow and even courses to learn how to get the dreams.
I could do it, I don't know if because my dream was modest or because I looked for something concrete, the thing is that I could transform it in reality. It wasn't easy, logically, it took me many years, be tenacious, search and take advantage of every single opportunity that could be possible; and I must confess that many times I felt I would never accomplished that it was too difficult... but life smiled at me and I could get what many people never have the chance.
My dream was about being able to work of what I like, transform my passion in a source of incomes, do of my hobby my profession. That my source of joy be my job that I never have to stress or felt unenthusiastic, simply because I love this activity and this environment. How many people do you know that have got this in life? I got it, I suppose that now I could write some cheap psychology book like the one I was reading the advert.

I was happy, yes, but my happiness last only what a sigh last. I met someone that turn the world upside down, someone that made me feel completely new emotions that dazzled me like never have happened before. Someone that lied to me that deceived me and betrayed me stealing the possibility of keeping on doing reality my dream of all my life. I don't know if he did it on purpose, I can't believe that there are people such sadistic or evil, I simply think he just stabbed me in the heart without notice... but he later sank it without remorse.
So I passed nonstop from happiness of walking over the waters to sadness of want to drown in them in only just seven months. I still believe that I could write that shoddy self-help book.
I know that nobody can't take me away what I have lived, but also nothing takes away the bitterness of feeling that be contented with this it's too very little.
I don't remember feeling sad like this never before as now. I fought all my life to achieve this dream, so many sacrifices, so much time, everything for nothing and I never thought be prepared to defend it if I was stolen or to lose it. I'm not sure if I would have chosen never accomplished at all, rather than living this feeling of plunder.
Many times I thought about it. I thought that was it that was useless to go on that if I had accomplished what I always believed was what I have to do and be in my life, was pointless to continue with an existence empty of dreams and purposes. Many times I felt like a load, a useless ballast that only bothers... I still don't know quite well why I didn't do anything about it yet. I think that if I didn't go away was due to respect for my family and because I love life a lot... but I didn't lack desires.

I spend all the time telling to everybody that I'm trying to pursue another dream, but actually I feel that now I'm not trying to fulfill another dream, but I'm running away frightened of this sadness that breaks my soul in two.
I carry on me the worst of the desolation... I feel I didn't lose the dream that always guided my life, but that I was stolen and I couldn't defend it. And I don't know how to get rid of this repugnant sensation that only a revenge equally painful could let me free.
I have converted myself into an expert in the art of dissimulate my tears in front of everybody, of pretending smiles and saying that everything is alright. During the week I take up to the extreme that of "put the batteries" on the studding using it like a drug to avoid think, to not remember what slipped away from my hands, to not feel the lost... But on the weekends, I can't bear my soul.
I want to stop crying every night, I want to leave behind this sadness, I want to feel like jumping again... I want, but I can't. Could it be that if I write a self-help fourth class psychology book it will help me survive this?

Psicología Barata y Sueños Realizados

El otro día leía la publicidad de un nuevo libro de autoayuda publicado que hablaba sobre el comportamiento de las personas que realizaron sus sueños. Y buscando por internet me asombré de que hay casi 4 millones de páginas con consejos, reglas, pasos a seguir y hasta cursos para aprender a conseguir los sueños.
Yo lo pude hacer, no se si porque mi sueño era modesto o porque busqué algo que fuera concreto, la cuestión es que lo pude transformar en realidad. No fue fácil, lógicamente, me costó muchos años, ser insistente, buscar y aprovechar cada una de las oportunidades que fueran posibles; y debo confesar que muchas veces sentí que nunca lo lograría, que era demasiado difícil... pero la vida me sonrió y pude conseguir lo que mucha gente nunca tiene la oportunidad.
Mi sueño era poder trabajar de lo que me gusta, transformar mi pasión en una fuente de ingresos, hacer de mi hobbie mi profesión. Que mi fuente de alegría sea mi trabajo, que nunca fuera a estresarme o a sentirme desganada, simplemente porque amo esa actividad y ese ambiente. ¿Cuantas personas conocen que han conseguido esto en la vida? Yo lo conseguí, supongo que ahora bien podría escribir algún libro de psicología barata como ese del que leía la publicidad.

Fui feliz, sí, pero mi felicidad duró solamente lo que dura un suspiro. Conocí a alguien que me puso el mundo de cabeza, alguien que me hizo sentir emociones completamente nuevas, que me deslumbró como nunca antes me había pasado. Alguien que me mintió, que me engañó y que me traicionó robándome la posibilidad de poder continuar haciendo realidad mi sueño de toda la vida. No se si lo hizo a propósito, no puedo creer que exista alguien tan sádico o malvado, simplemente creo que me clavó un puñal en el corazón sin darse cuenta... pero que después lo hundió sin remordimiento.
Así que pasé sin escalas intermedias de la felicidad de caminar sobre las aguas a la tristeza de querer ahogarme en ellas en apenas 7 meses. Aún creo que podría escribir ese libro de autoayuda berreta.
Ya se que nadie me quita lo bailado, pero tampoco nada me quita la amargura de sentir que conformarme con eso es demasiado poco.
No recuerdo sentirme así de triste nunca antes como ahora. Luché toda mi vida por realizar este sueño, tantos sacrificios, tanto tiempo, todo para nada y nunca se me ocurrió prepararme para defenderlo si me lo robaban o para perderlo. No estoy segura de si hubiera preferido no realizarlo nunca, antes que vivir este sentimiento de saqueo.
Muchas veces lo pensé. Pensé que ya estaba, que ya no tenía sentido seguir, que si ya había logrado lo que siempre creí que era lo que tenía que hacer y ser en mi vida, ya no tenía más sentido continuar con una existencia vacía de sueños y propósitos. Varias veces me sentí una carga, un lastre inútil que solo molesta... todavía no se muy bien por qué aún no hice nada al respecto. Creo que si no me fui es por respeto a mi familia y porque amo mucho la vida... pero ganas no me faltaron.

Me la paso diciéndole a todo el mundo que estoy tratando de perseguir otro sueño, pero en realidad siento que ahora no estoy intentando realizar otro sueño, sino que estoy huyendo espantada de esta tristeza que me quiebra en dos el alma.
Llevo encima el peor de los desamparos... Siento que no perdí el sueño que siempre guió mi vida, sino que me lo robaron y no lo supe defender. Y no se como deshacerme de la asquerosa sensación de que solo una venganza igual de dolorosa podría liberarme.
Me he transformado en una experta en el arte de disimular mis lágrimas delante de todos, de simular sonrisas y decir que está todo bien. Durante la semana llevo al extremo eso de "ponerme las pilas" en el estudio trato de usarlos como droga para no pensar, no acordarme de lo que se me escabulló de entre las manos, no sentir la pérdida... Pero los fines de semana, no puedo con mi alma.
Quiero dejar de llorar todas las noches, quiero dejar atrás esta tristeza, quiero volver a tener ganas de saltar... quiero pero no puedo. ¿Será que si escribo un libro de autoayuda psicológica de cuarta me ayudará a sobrevivir esto?

Psicologia Barata e Sonhos Realizados

O outro dia lia a publicidade de um novo livro de auto-ajuda publicado que falava sobre o comportamento das pessoas que realizaram seus sonhos. E procurando pela Internet fiquei assombrada sabendo que tem quase 3 milhões de páginas com conselhos, regras, passos a seguir e até cursos para aprender a conseguir os sonhos.
Eu pude fazê-lo, não sei se porque meu sonho era modesto ou porque procurei algo que fosse concreto, a questão é que pude transformá-lo em realidade. Não foi fácil, logicamente, me custou muitos anos, ser insistente, procurar e aproveitar cada uma das oportunidades que forem possíveis; e devo confessar que muitas vezes senti que nunca o conseguiria, que era difícil demais... mas a vida me sorriu e pude conseguir o que muitas pessoas nunca têm a oportunidade.
Meu sonho era poder trabalhar do que gosto, transformar minha paixão em uma fonte de ingressos, fazer do meu hobby minha profissão. Que minha fonte de alegria seja o emprego, que nunca fosse me estressar ou sentir sem vontade, simplesmente porque amo essa atividade e esse ambiente. Quantas pessoas conhecem que tenham conseguido isto na vida? Eu consegui, suponho que agora bem poderia escrever algum livro de psicologia barata como esse do que lia a publicidade.

Fui feliz, sim, mas minha felicidade durou somente o que dura um suspiro. Conheci alguém que me botou o mundo de cabeça, alguém que me fiz sentir emoções completamente novas, que me deslumbrou como nunca antes tinha me acontecido. Alguém que me mentiu, que me enganou e que me traiu roubando-me a possibilidade de poder continuar fazendo realidade meu sonho de toda a vida. Não sei se fez propositadamente, não posso acreditar que exista alguém tão sádico ou malvado, simplesmente acho que me cravou um punhal no coração sem se dar conta... mas depois afundou sem remorso.
Então passei sem escalas intervalos da felicidade de caminhar sobre as águas à tristeza de querer me afogar nelas em apenas 7 meses. Ainda acredito que poderia escrever esse livro de auto ajuda vulgar.
Já sei que ninguém me tira isso, mas também ninguém me tira a amargura de sentir que me conformar com isso é pouco por demais.
Não me lembro sentir assim de triste nunca antes como agora. Lutei toda minha vida por realizar este sonho, tantos sacrifícios, tanto tempo, todo para nada e nunca teve a idéia de me preparar para defendê-lo se me roubavam ou para perdê-lo. Não tenho certeza se tivesse preferido não realiza-lo nunca, antes de viver este sentimento de saqueio.
Muitas vezes o pensei. Pensei que já estava, que já não tinha sentido seguir, que se já tinha obtido o que sempre acreditei que era o que tinha de fazer e ser na minha vida, já não tinha mais sentido continuar com uma existência vazia de sonhos e propósitos. Várias vezes me senti uma carga, um peso inútil que só incomoda... ainda não sei muito bem por que não fiz nada a respeito. Acho que se não fui embora é pelo respeito a minha família e porque amo muito a vida... mas vontades não me faltaram.

Passo dizendo para todo o mundo que estou tentando perseguir outro sonho, mas na realidade sinto que agora não estou tentando realizar outro sonho, mas, sim, estou fugindo espantada desta tristeza que me quebra em dois a alma.
Levo em cima o pior dos desamparos... Sinto que não perdi o sonho que sempre guiou minha vida, mas que me roubaram e não soube defendê-lo. E não sei como me desfazer da nojenta sensação que só uma vingança igual de dolorosa poderia me liberar.
Tenho me transformado em uma experta na arte de dissimular minhas lágrimas diante de todos, de simular sorrisos e dizer que está tudo bem. Durante a semana levo até o extremo isso de "botar as pilhas" no estudo tento usá-lo como droga para não pensar, não lembrar do que se me escapuliu dentre as mãos, não sentir a perda... Mas nos fins de semana, não posso com minha alma.
Quero deixar de chorar todas as noites, quero deixar atrás esta tristeza, quero voltar a ter vontade de pular... quero mas não posso. Será que escrever um livro de auto-ajuda psicológica de quarta categoria me ajudará a sobreviver esto?